Life, Lemons, Longing

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about where my life is currently headed. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been fairly active on here, attempting to hone my craft. With this, I’ve been bettering my education and trying to make all of the appropriate connections so that at the end of it all, I can pursue what I really want to do for the rest of my life. But what is that, really? Yesterday, I helped a friend come down from a small panic attack because she felt like everyone else around her was doing better with their lives than she was doing. I told her that I’d felt the same way when I was just entering my 20’s and that it’s excruciating to see how well everyone is doing while you feel like you can’t get your foot through the door. But, what kind of person does it make me to try to help her when I, myself, still have doubts and concerns about my life goals and choices?

I’d never really felt like I had a path laid before me until this semester rolled around. I’d changed my major (counting the original attempts at college I’d made) a total of five times, questioned just about every career move I could make, lost and gained friends who I’d thought or found to be beneficial within my circle. It was only after starting this blog, realizing that I truly belonged in the creative writing world, and speaking with Eric Homan from Frederator Studios that I gained the first inclination of where my life was swiftly headed. California. Hot, arid, full of crime and earthquakes. But, with all that, the people there find themselves surround by creativity, ingenuity, and inimitable beauty. I’ve had the pleasure of visiting twice in the past year and every time I come home I feel the drawing and dragging sensation, demanding that my return come soon. And so, I work. I push myself harder than I had before. I keep every scribbled note. There is no idea to grand or outrageous to be shot down as I know that one of them will land me right back into the arms of a welcoming career and community.

Really, I just can’t stop thinking about it. Day in, day out, it’s all that’s on my mind. But I know, thanks to all of you, I’ll make it out there and you’ll see my name. Large, bright, and shining out for all to see.

via Daily Prompt: Ruminate

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