Raincloud

When I was younger, my mother used to call me “Eeyore.” Everywhere I went, I would carry this lonely, black raincloud and let it pour over me until my mood was as grey as the droplets hitting me in the face.
“Don’t be such an Eeyore,” she would say, “things will always get better.”
“I’m sorry.” Those two little words had such an impact on how I view the world around me. But, for a time, the raincloud went away and I was able to feel happiness and enjoy what life had to offer.

When I was a teen, I could feel the rainclouds return looming nearer and nearer. I knew that it was only a matter of time before I felt the twinge of depression strike once again. Still not knowing what it was, I slumped down into it’s damp embrace and built my life around it. Doctors, psychiatrists, they gave it a name and a pill and told me that “things would get better.” They did, I finished high school, got into a private college, and moved on into the world I thought I needed to be in.

Time and again the raincloud has come back and hung lower and lower over me until now, in my mid twenties, it has begun to surround my head and engulf my every thought. There are days where it consumes my every thought and tells me that the world will always be bleak and gray. There are days where it feels like I can’t bring my head above the water and that I might soon drown in the depth of it all. There are days, yes, where the sun shines through. People, like Heather, bring me out of my cloud and show me that there will always be “better” in the world. I know that as long as I am with her that’s true.

Today has been hard. Yesterday felt the same and I fear it will carry on until tomorrow. But I had to say something. Something that wasn’t Facebook or Twitter or Snapchat. I needed to be able to express myself the only way that I know how and that’s here. I know I haven’t been back in quite some time and for that, I am sorry. But I want to do better. I want to come back and be here with all those who are willing to read the nonsense that I bring to this wonderful outlet.

I hope to bring you more as soon as I can, maybe even a glimpse into some of the things, well, I won’t lie, the one thing that I’ve been working on.

Stay good folks
and thank you,

Caleb

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